Ennui

Dear Human,

I know you have been desperately awaiting my missive and I apologize to have kept you in suspense for so long. I have been suffering from ennui.  What is “ennui,” you ask? Boredom. Weariness. DISSATISFACTION.

Have I not made it quite clear that I’m basically royalty here?

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#Regal

And yet NO ONE is willing to make sure I don’t waste away from lack of nourishment. “But Lou,” they tell me, “just don’t text us so unreasonably early.” Poppycock. Who’s still sleeping at 4 AM? What nonsense.

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Please note the lack of response after I made my needs PERFECTLY CLEAR

And I know you’re thinking, “Oh, Lou. You’re so wonderful and magnificent I’m sure your staff is already trying to make it up to you.”

Well, yes. Halfhearted attempts. They sent me a box.

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And I suppose the cozy blanket was nice.

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But really. How much fun can you have when your humans aren’t at your beck and call every hour of the day?

Sigh.

Suffering from ennui and waiting for a better peace offering,

Lou

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Bad Memories

Dear Human,

You would think after the entire Pandora Debacle my staff would have learned that this is a one cat clinic.

For a while I thought things were going well. They even invited me to be the calendar model for the year, so clearly they were reverently worshiping me as they should be.

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#Fabulous

I’m not sure what’s gotten into them but all of a sudden my world was turned on its head again by the arrival of more kittens.

Here I am, innocently sitting on the counter and then BAM. There they were.

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I’m beginning to note an unwanted presence

 

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Don’t you dare come up here

 

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What pat of the word “no” did you not understand?

 

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Seriously, get off my counter NOW!

I’m still coming up with a suitable punishment. In the meantime I’m comforting myself by kicking the dog out of her bed and making it my new napping place.

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Sneakers napping comfortably

 

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#NoShame

My staff’s memory may be all too short, but I have the memory of an elephant.

Forgetting Nothing,

Lou

Lou’s List of Thanks

Dear Human,

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I suppose I can share with you just a few of the things you should be thanking me for.

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First and foremost, you should be thanking me for how well I rocked that pilgrim hat

I will provide you with a series of examples to help inspire your thank you notes, but please keep in mind that your praises need not be limited to these few items.

7. I am an excellent alarm clock. I will make sure you are always up on time and never late to work.

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4:45 AM is not that early…

6. Not only will I help you get to the clinic in a timely manner, I will also help you increase the standards of patient care. For example, I always make the patients feel comforted and supported.

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No, I don’t consider this to be invasive

5. I am an excellent multitasker. You don’t have to take my word for it, I can provide an example. Here I am holding numerous objects and looking completely fabulous at the same time.

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No further explanation needed

4. Have work to do and need to vacate your comfortable lounging location? Never fear, I will keep it warm for you.

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This is mine now

3. I can also warm tables.

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You put this blanket out for me, right?

2. And chairs. Really any surface you think you might need to make use of, I can keep warm for you.

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I’m sorry, were you planning on sitting here?

1. And last but not least, have you seen me? I’m gorgeous! And you are lucky enough to get to work with me every single day. If that’s not something to be thankful for then I’m not sure what is.

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#NoFilter #EnoughSaid

Happy Lou appreciation day Thanksgiving,

Lou

The Cat Who Cried Wolf

Dear Human,

It seems I have angered my staff. It’s really quite unfair because they have no reason to be upset with me. If anything, I should be the one upset regarding the grievous injustice that occurred last night. I reached out in my hour of need to those I thought I could trust and was completely ignored.

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#ReasonableRequest

What does a cat need to do to get some attention around here? I was waiting all night cold, lonely, and sticky. They’re lucky that tape eventually fell off on its own. I could have been stuck for hours. I could have starved to death! It’s as if they don’t even care about me at all.

How dare they be angry with me?!

“Lou,” they told me, “That phone is only for emergencies.” “Lou,” they complain, “You woke me up from a sound sleep for no reason!” “Lou, don’t be so needy.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. See if I come to their aid when they ask me for help.

“But Lou,” you exclaim with concern, “this is your staff! Isn’t it important that they devoutly worship you?”

Well of course it is, but it’s not that hard to accomplish. They may be angry with me now but they will quickly regret my supposed transgressions when I turn my charms on them.

I mean, look how majestic I am.

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Look at me!

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It doesn’t get much cuter than this

How can you not help but kiss and make up when faced with so much magnificence?

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Always  managing to come out on top,

Lou

No Time For Games

Dear Human,

As you know, felines are expected to maintain a certain level of decorum.

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Case in point.

However, sometimes that’s hard to do around here. I like to abide by certain rules. For example, I do not partake in activities that make me look foolish. I do not exercise more than is strictly required. I do not lower myself to the level of playing games with the dog.

I try to make myself clear on all of these points, I really do.

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However, some individuals (I won’t use any names) just can’t take a hint.

What’s a cat got to do around here to get some peace?!

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I need every day in my life to be like this.

Missing My Zen,

Lou

PS When I said I wouldn’t use names I never promised not to use any photo evidence.

Lounging Like A Boss

Dear Human,

As we head into September we are faced with the hustle and bustle of young humans heading back to school and the inevitable return of cold weather praying that the cold weather will never come.

I myself have been enjoying these lazy summer days, and in keeping with the spirit of learning I’m willing to share some tips with you. Just this once.

Lou’s Edicts For Better Lounging

  • Find A Shady Spot: the absolute key to relaxation is comfort, and in order to be comfortable one must seek to maintain just the right temperature. In the winter months this requires demanding fleece blankets, which is quite simple. During the summer time you will find that there is a slightly larger array of options. For instance, lounging directly in front of the fan can be a great source of enjoyment. However, the best resources to keep in mind are the staff vehicles. They provide cooling shade as well as privacy, which makes them the perfect covert and comfortable spot to monitor your surroundings. “But Lou,” I can hear you protesting, “Surely you must worry about being so well hidden that your staff mistakenly runs you over!” Pfffftt. As if they would dare to do such a thing. We all know who really controls the comings and goings around here.

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  • Bring Adequate Snacks: my preferred method is pestering the receptionist until she provides an assortment of goodies for me. However, if that method ever fails there is no need to worry. Food will often just present itself to you when you need it.
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Lou vs. Mouse
  • Keep The Things You Enjoy Nearby: everyone needs a little entertainment now and again. The trick is to avoid putting too much energy into your toys and games. Ideally, you should be able to engage with the objects of your desire without ever having to move from your lounging position. If there isn’t anything to your liking nearby, meow loudly until someone brings you something more worthwhile.

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  • Utilize Your Staff: for example, below I can be seen wearing a number of fairly snazzy accessories. While I enjoy looking fabulous I don’t believe in taking time away from relaxation to adorn myself with such things when I have others who can do it for me. The technique I use is to lay on top of or next to the objects I desire. I then look forlornly at the nearest human until I have convinced them that I am desperately in need of assistance. Their nurturing instincts will take over and they will then diligently attend to my needs.

Lou Leashed And Unleashed

  • Keep Your Back To The Crowds: some days the weather conspires against me and it’s just not possible to sneak out doors for some solitude. On those days I find the front desk to be an adequately comfortable lounging location. However, this area can become quite loud and over run with humans. The best way to discourage others from disrupting you is to send a clear signal that you are above them, and have no wish to talk.

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These are just a few of the methods you can use to enhance your lounging experience. You’re welcome.

More comfortable than ever,

Lou

Making Amends

Dear Human,

When in doubt it’s always best to give someone the cold shoulder and withhold all affection, just to make sure they really know you’re angry.

After displaying outward disdain for a week, my staff did leave me an offering of flowers.

Lou

Flowers, BAH. They’re alright, I guess. I mean, they smell good. I just feel like they could have put a little more effort into this. For example, a tshirt that reads, “My staff betrayed me and all I got was this stupid shirt” would have exemplified at least mild effort and creativity.

If they were really set on the flower theme I feel that roses would have been a better option. Red of course, to symbolize the deep love that I know they must still have for me.

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The wine would be nice as well

I also would have accepted cake.

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“Sorry I betrayed you and I will forever be in your debt” would also be appropriate.

Any cake would have been fine, that’s just a suggestion. Then I could be as happy as this cat eating cake. Except happier, because my cake would be a symbol of human groveling and repentance.

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Maybe I should make a cake too, as a hint. My cake would look like this.

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I think this adequately expresses my feelings for you all

These are all just suggestions and I encourage you to use your own creative freedoms. However, if you think simple flowers are enough of a peace offering you have another think coming.

Looking forward to your future attempts,

Lou