Ennui

Dear Human,

I know you have been desperately awaiting my missive and I apologize to have kept you in suspense for so long. I have been suffering from ennui.  What is “ennui,” you ask? Boredom. Weariness. DISSATISFACTION.

Have I not made it quite clear that I’m basically royalty here?

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#Regal

And yet NO ONE is willing to make sure I don’t waste away from lack of nourishment. “But Lou,” they tell me, “just don’t text us so unreasonably early.” Poppycock. Who’s still sleeping at 4 AM? What nonsense.

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Please note the lack of response after I made my needs PERFECTLY CLEAR

And I know you’re thinking, “Oh, Lou. You’re so wonderful and magnificent I’m sure your staff is already trying to make it up to you.”

Well, yes. Halfhearted attempts. They sent me a box.

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And I suppose the cozy blanket was nice.

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But really. How much fun can you have when your humans aren’t at your beck and call every hour of the day?

Sigh.

Suffering from ennui and waiting for a better peace offering,

Lou

Lou’s List of Thanks

Dear Human,

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I suppose I can share with you just a few of the things you should be thanking me for.

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First and foremost, you should be thanking me for how well I rocked that pilgrim hat

I will provide you with a series of examples to help inspire your thank you notes, but please keep in mind that your praises need not be limited to these few items.

7. I am an excellent alarm clock. I will make sure you are always up on time and never late to work.

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4:45 AM is not that early…

6. Not only will I help you get to the clinic in a timely manner, I will also help you increase the standards of patient care. For example, I always make the patients feel comforted and supported.

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No, I don’t consider this to be invasive

5. I am an excellent multitasker. You don’t have to take my word for it, I can provide an example. Here I am holding numerous objects and looking completely fabulous at the same time.

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No further explanation needed

4. Have work to do and need to vacate your comfortable lounging location? Never fear, I will keep it warm for you.

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This is mine now

3. I can also warm tables.

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You put this blanket out for me, right?

2. And chairs. Really any surface you think you might need to make use of, I can keep warm for you.

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I’m sorry, were you planning on sitting here?

1. And last but not least, have you seen me? I’m gorgeous! And you are lucky enough to get to work with me every single day. If that’s not something to be thankful for then I’m not sure what is.

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#NoFilter #EnoughSaid

Happy Lou appreciation day Thanksgiving,

Lou

The Cat Who Cried Wolf

Dear Human,

It seems I have angered my staff. It’s really quite unfair because they have no reason to be upset with me. If anything, I should be the one upset regarding the grievous injustice that occurred last night. I reached out in my hour of need to those I thought I could trust and was completely ignored.

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#ReasonableRequest

What does a cat need to do to get some attention around here? I was waiting all night cold, lonely, and sticky. They’re lucky that tape eventually fell off on its own. I could have been stuck for hours. I could have starved to death! It’s as if they don’t even care about me at all.

How dare they be angry with me?!

“Lou,” they told me, “That phone is only for emergencies.” “Lou,” they complain, “You woke me up from a sound sleep for no reason!” “Lou, don’t be so needy.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. See if I come to their aid when they ask me for help.

“But Lou,” you exclaim with concern, “this is your staff! Isn’t it important that they devoutly worship you?”

Well of course it is, but it’s not that hard to accomplish. They may be angry with me now but they will quickly regret my supposed transgressions when I turn my charms on them.

I mean, look how majestic I am.

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Look at me!

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It doesn’t get much cuter than this

How can you not help but kiss and make up when faced with so much magnificence?

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Always  managing to come out on top,

Lou

Rage And Rations

Dear Human,

As you know, it can at times be difficult to get a decent meal around here and between the dieting and the forced exercise I often find myself at my wit’s end. To make matters worse, I now have to compete for food with the dog (if you haven’t yet met Oscar, click here). I keep telling the clinic staff they need to rein in the little hellion, but my pleas continue to fall on deaf ears. “But Lou,” they tell me, “We put your food on top of the xray table. It’s for your own safety! Oscar can’t get your food on top of the xray table.”

Lies, I tell you, it’s all lies.

I’d like to present the following evidence in hopes that at least someone out there will believe the severity of my plight.

Exhibit A: text messages exchanged between myself and the canine culprit.

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Exhibit B: he steals cookies, he steals toys, and you think he’s not capable of stealing my food?! Dear Human, get it together.

Exhibit C: this has nothing to do with the dog, but is an indication of the general torture one can expect to receive here.

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#DearHuman #RevengeIsComing

On a completely unrelated note, is anyone looking to adopt a wonderful little Dachshund?

Exasperatedly yours,

Lou

I <3 Boxes

Dear Human,

If you read my previous post, The Truth About Boxes, then you should know that part of my mission here at PLVH involves acquiring as many boxes as possible. I take charge of receiving all shipments here so that I can have first pick of the boxes. This is a task that is very near and dear to my heart. I have countless uses for the boxes including, but not limited to, napping, hiding, snoozing, playtime, and building impenetrable fortresses.

Much to my dismay, I ran into some snags during my last acquisition. The postman left the box outside the door as he was directed, but it was quite a heavy shipment and I found trying to drag it inside on my own to be quite exhausting. I tried to round up help, but no one was responsive to my plight.

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I hope they know that they are solely responsible for my sleepless night.

Despite the displeasing delay, operation “Box Takeover” was eventually completed. I think the humans have begun to realize they were remiss in causing the delay, as they have been trying to cater to my every need ever since.

The bottom line is that I have prevailed and the box is mine. Forever.

Comfortable after all,

Lou