I know you have been desperately awaiting my missive and I apologize to have kept you in suspense for so long. I have been suffering from ennui. What is “ennui,” you ask? Boredom. Weariness. DISSATISFACTION.
Have I not made it quite clear that I’m basically royalty here?
And yet NO ONE is willing to make sure I don’t waste away from lack of nourishment. “But Lou,” they tell me, “just don’t text us so unreasonably early.” Poppycock. Who’s still sleeping at 4 AM? What nonsense.
And I know you’re thinking, “Oh, Lou. You’re so wonderful and magnificent I’m sure your staff is already trying to make it up to you.”
Well, yes. Halfhearted attempts. They sent me a box.
And I suppose the cozy blanket was nice.
But really. How much fun can you have when your humans aren’t at your beck and call every hour of the day?
Suffering from ennui and waiting for a better peace offering,